Sunrise was at 5:50, sunset will be at 8:24. It's been so windy! Stuff keeps thumping against the outside walls and I saw a hummingbird get whipped right off the feeder! The lilacs are so heavy with blossoms and rain that they are all bowed over, much easier to reach.
I've been reading the Galahad series of books this week and I am sure that the best words of wisdom always come from kid's books. In The Dark Zone, a number of kids are having crises of faith. Their crises are met with wise words from fathers long gone or friends who can see more clearly what's going on.
I thought this whole book was particularly apt for my situation now (unemployed and absolutely unsure about myself, my skills, and if I even want to do anymore what I have so loved for all these years):
Triana's dad, back before the comet's tail swept across the earth loosing a virus that eventually kills all the adults, is trying to help Triana deal with the things that are out of her control. She is replaying that endless loop in her head that makes her unable to do anything constructive. There are things that are in our control and things that aren't. If you get caught up in trying to change things that aren't in your control, it leads to frustration and despair.
So, when Triana asks what she can do about it, he says, "You stop worrying about things you can't change and divert your energy to the things you can. One of the most powerful days of your life will be when you learn to tell the difference."
When Channy can't get herself out of the negative loop she's in, she remembers her sister's words about being paralyzed: "Crying over the past doesn't make it go away and it doesn't fix what has broken. Instead, focus on where you are now, and what you can do to make things better."
Yeah, it's the Serenity Prayer all over, but for some reason, reading it as prose and as part of a story makes me more able to absorb it, makes me better able to understand it. So, here I go, off to make the changes I can and leaving all the crap as far behind as I can! No more endless loops of shame churning in my head. And just in time for my birthday, a great time to make good decisions and better choices.
Post op. Wk. 156 The less chipper than planned post.
2 months ago